I have a huge headache today. Working....as usual. Today is the work all day, day. So I might ask Jon if he will work tomorrow morning....cause I really don't want to. I finished dads fathers day present today. I like it, I hope he likes my part of it.

I wish I was back in Texas, I can only hate Tallahassee so much. I don't think its possible to hate it anymore.

I'm really tired. I have a 2 & 230 sweep coming up soon, then I am going home and taking a nap until its time to come back for the 6.

I HATE THIS SHIT

HOW CAN SHE ACT LIKE MY MOTHER ONLINE BUT NOT IN PERSON OR ON THE FUCKING PHONE!??!? DAMNIT. I WANT MY MOM BACK.

WHY DOESN'T SHE WANT TO MEET HER GRANDDAUGHTER?!?!?

DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT.

here ya go!

Today was bad....today is a little better. We have a ton of deliveries that no one answered so they are just sitting in my office. I am CRAVING LASAGNA LIKE OMG. It hurts I want it so bad. Jon said maybe for dinner we can go to Carrabbas. The only other "Italian" food here in Tallahassee is the Olive Garden.....and we all know no bueno!!! So I'm stuck with some food to hold me over till we get off work. I'm going to start working on dads fathers day present tonight. I miss him so much. I wish he could come see me.

On my soap box...fair warning

I hate ignorant people. I hate airlines that are stupid and so self involved that they don't care if their company gets pulled into a pit. I will never fly (I'll call them US), and I hope you won't either. They are always rude to anyone that doesn't work for them, they never have anything nice to say. I can't tell you how many calls I get from customers because they are missing their bags....WHEN I HAVN'T RECIEVED THEM YET. After informing them, I ask where they got our number and they say that US gave it to them.... WTF!??!?! DO YOU FUCKING JOB AND STOP MAKING ME DO IT FOR YOU. I DON'T GET PAID TO DO YOUR JOB. PUT THE ADDRESS ON THE BDO, AND LET ME HAVE IT. A PHONE NUMBER IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. IT IS NOT MY JOB TO GET THE ADDRESS FROM THE PASSENGER. THAT WOULD BE YOURS! I am not your answering service so inform your 800 number of that. I recieved a call (today which is the reason for this post) about a lady with a damaged bag and she wanted to talk to someone from US about it. Well their 800 number gave her my number saying that I could help her..>>WTF<< I DON'T GET PAID TO DO YOUR JOB. So I kindly relay the message for the passenger....I walk down to the ticket counter and hand them a sticky note with her name phone number on it. And I was advised that they don't handle damage claims here......WTF!?!?! JUST CALL HER AND TELL HER THAT...I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As long as I have been here....I have nothing positive to say about that airline. And I would rather walk to my destination then get the kind of service that they offer to the people that PAY THEIR BILLS.

I'm sooooo pissed right now. If it was up to me, I wouldn't handle that airline anymore. Nor would I be sad if they went out of business. AND NO ONE FROM THAT COMPANY WOULD EVER BE EMPLOYED BY ME.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note I added a widget to my desk top for Olivias 18th Birthday. :-) LOL... I know its 16+ Years away......I can't help it. I'm pathetic.

Random

"we all need somebody to lean on...."
"I don't cry on the outside anymore.....anymore"
"Dreaming of could-bes and if I'll end up happy..."
"I took a louieville slugger to both headlights slashed a hole in all four tires"
"We all just wanna be big rock stars..."
"I will remember you, will you remember me...."
"You are the wind beneath my wings..."
"God is watching us, God is watching us....from a distance"
"When two become one...."
"Life in plastic, its fantastic...."
"I can only imagine when that day comes...."
"Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from eachother..."
"I get knocked down, then I get up again, you never gonna keep me down...."
"At first I was afraid, I was petrified, thinking I could never live without you by my side..."
"Do you believe in life after love....."
"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout..."
"Everything you need, you got it..."
"It was made from the feathers of 4 leather geese...."
"Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you....."
"One, your like a dream come true, two, just wanna be with you....."

Sorry about that, those were some songs floating in my head all at the same time, and I felt it necessary to share them with you! Okay thanks!!

"Busy weekend"

And when I say busy, I mean doing abosolutely nothing but working. It really sucks. I wish I could have a weekend off (a 4 day one at that!) GRRRR Just makes me sooooo mad. I want to see Pirates and Shrek 3. Its gonna be like a month before I'm going to be able to see them. I want a weekend a WEEK off. I've only had one weekend off since I have been here and well, I feel like it was rushed, we tried to get everything done so fast because we knew we had to be at work the next day. Don't get me wrong, I loved that weekend......I'm just tired of everyday that I have off feeling like its waisted because I don't have time to relax. I have to get everything done that I can't do while I'm working. Its exhausting.

Well Jon and I bought a car. And got a kitten. (his name is Black Jack for the time being) I'm trying to get his name to be bouncer.

If anyone has any leads for a good job.....lemme know. Thanks

pissy

Fed up. Wishing I had some place to be with someone who gave a damn.

Poem By an A-Parent

Kris Kroeker 2005

dedicated to my child's birthmom

I know you love me
You loved me from the start
I know that you want the best for me
I know this because you made a plan for me
A plan so I would grow up with my mom and dad
A mom and dad you knew would love me as much as you do
I know it tore your heart apart to make this plan for me
I know it hurt when you put me first
I know that you feel the pain of empty arms
I know that my pictures are spread across your walls to try and fill the hole
You need to know that I was hurting too
I felt the loneliness
I felt the emptiness when my new parents held me
When you were gone
When I couldn't hear your familiar voice
I was too little to put it into words, but I cried out for you
I wanted YOU to hold me
I wanted to hear YOUR voice
But it didn't work that way
Life gave me hurt and loneliness
But you knew that your plan was good
And that your love was bigger than the pain
It would have been so easy for you to hold me tight and never let me go
But you were too strong for that
You knew what your love would do
You knew the pain would heal
You knew I needed my mom and dad
And you knew they needed me
You knew I would be loved
And that when love is shared it grows
I know that love
I feel it every day
Every time my mom picks me up and holds me

Every time my dad laughs at some little thing I do
When they wake me up to squeeze me in the morning
And when they put me down in bed for night
I know that I am loved
This is loveYou died inside when you showed your loveYou sacrificed your world for meI will always remember what you gaveYou gave me lifeYou gave me my parentsYou gave me loveThis is love

I'M TIRED OF WRITING ON HERE AND IT WON'T EFFING PUBLISH IT.

Mothers Day 2007

This weekend was nothing short then amazing. I had so much fun. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow.....it isn't going to be fun. I'm almost a lobster, not to bad though, I'm not in pain as of right now.

I miss my family.

Hopeing to sleep the rest of the day away.... :- (

This weekend feels like its going to be hard, prolly not as hard as last year....I'll prolly still cry. I have gotten this weekend off, and Jon is taking me somewhere special. ((LOOVEEEE HIM)) To all of the Birthmoms.....Happy Birthmothers day (Saturday) And all the Moms....Happy Mothers day.

Taking Life one day at a time. And trying to enjoy it throwing Lemons right back in lifes face.

question

I had a dream.......

do you believe "a dream is a wish that will come true"???

This sunday Olivia will be 19 months old. (on mothers day) go figure. I am currently trying to get this weekend off. I have sunday off, but would be nice to have a weekend off all together. I recieved new pictures last night, and she has gotten so big. I hate not living near her. I sent a-mom a mothers day card. I'm not expecting one in return....thats life though.

I found out today a friend from High School is engaged, and i'm not ashamed to admit that I am jealous like crazy. Everyone is moving on with their lives but me. I work all the time, and I don't do anything. I hate my job. I hate where I live, I just wish I could be happy for once.

A fellow blogger suggested the museum here in town and will prolly go check it out tomorrow after work....today I have plans to go to shell point beach and get more sea shells for my bath room. Jon still wants me to get scuba certified. and on that note I am still waiting for him to shave his legs. :-P hey....a deal is a deal.

I have been reading "The Girls Who Went Away" By Ann Fessler. Honestly it has never taken me more then a day to read a book.....and i'm on day 5. It just hits so close to home in certain ways. And I can't read it straight though.

I wish one or both of my sisters could come and visit. And my dad too. I miss them like crazy. If I had enough money I would buy them all tickets out here for a week.

If only....

Jon and I have been discussing the PROS and CONS of living in Florida, and well, so far Texas is winning by a LANDSLIDE.

Tallahassee....
No friends
No Family
No Rain
Its 93 and its May
EXPENSIVE as WHOA to buy a house

Texas.....
Home
Friends
Family
TO MUCH RAIN
Its a comfy hot
actually decent prices on houseing
Did I mention its HOME

We were wanting to move up north to the New England area so I can be closer to Olivia, but I don't think I could handle 8 Months of snow, and summer being 70 Degrees in the sun. I'm doing Ok on my diet, I've lost 6lbs in 3 days. I'm still not happy though....

BLAH Tallahassee VIBES...>GO AWAY<

Chaos...is how I spell Life

Well, lots have happend since I last wrote. I've recieved tons of new pictures. Her hair is getting LONG. She turned 18 months last month. I am really really wanting a family right now. To the point where I cry about it. I want to be called Mommy.

I also moved to Tallahassee Florida from Dallas Texas, for work. And I really hate it here. It is WAY to hot and it NEVER rains. We are looking to move back to Texas and buy a house (or three)

I started a new diet yesterday....I had attempted a juice diet...BLAH... DON'T do it! Its gross and to hard.

Well I will write more later, I am currently at work.