Secrets

I hate the secrets that I hold within me. That will soon change.

Dear Olivia,

It has been one month exactly since your Grandpa died. I wish I could explain to you how much he loved you. He was always talking about you, telling the world about you. When he was in the hospital he would tell his nurses about you and that you were coming to see him. When he heard that you were coming he lit up like you couldn't imagine.

I'm so scared without him here. I am not the same.

I miss both of you.....and it won't stop hurting.

I'm so sorry.

"FUCK YOU" Is not an appropriate greeting on the Telephone at my work.....

So... As I lay here in bed on my day OFF mind you, I get a phone call (from work) asking where my boyfriend is. Since it IS my day OFF they shouldn't be calling me unless its an emergency....which it isn't I had just spoke to him and he was delivering bags that Dany made him.

(Lady I Work with) -hey wheres jon he needs to be here so he can go to the airport, hes missing in action and no one knows where he is.

(Me) -Dany sent him to deliver hotel bags, call him not me.

I hang up....


(Lady I Work With Calls Back)-FUCK YOU
(Lady I Work With Hangs up)

(I call back)
(Lady I Work With Answers)-Don't ever call me again
(Me)- Don't worry I'm calling Dany you won't have to speak to me again.

Seriously people.....I hate my job. I wish I had a place to go. I'd be there a year ago. I need a job BAD

"Happy" New Year

I hope you had a great one. I spent New Years Eve at my fathers bedside as he was making his way to see my grandparents in heaven. He made it to the New Year to celebrate with us, and we lost him shortly after. I lost my dad to cancer at 2:55am on 1-1-08. It has been a really long couple of days. I'm not fine. I miss him like crazy.

From One Birthmom to another

A friend posted this on facebook..... and I wanted to share it here too. I had a girl, but it still hits close to home.


Dear Santa,
Today I'll write my list out
It really isn’t much,
Maybe just a phone call,
A picture, letter, or such.

Its only been a month,
Plus a few days more,
Since the day I saw them take,
My baby out the door.

I swore I wouldn't cry,
and for days I didn't dare,
I knew that he understood,
I know he knew I cared.

But this year my list will be different,
No CDs, candles, or clothes,
U only want one thing from you,
And that's to let him know I love him so....

Perhaps this isn't an order,
That you can fill yourself,
So maybe you can ask God,
If he can offer a little help.

After all He sent the angels,
That comfort my little man,
So maybe he could ease my fears,
I've done all I can.

So now I'll close this letter,
With a thank you, and a please,
Send my boy a piece of my heart,
Because this Christmas he won't be with me.

Love Always,
A Birth-Mother

Moving Day

I don't think I have ever moved so much in my life. As a matter of fact I know I havn't. I moved into an apartment Nov of last year with my sister, boyfriend, and good friend.... 4 months later I moved to Florida....6 months later I moved into a different apartment in Florida....a month later I've moved back to Texas....and now I am in the process of moving My dad, his girlfriend, me and my boyfriend into one apartment. GEESH. I HATE MOVING!!!!

Anyways...... Job still driving me nuts...... a familiar face is joining the company, and I am welcoming her with open arms. Maybe she can help us restore order....lmao...not possible but hopeful!

Haven't been talking to the a-mom lately.....

I wish I lived closer to my eldest sister....the freak moved to BFE!!! I kid...you know I kid. I just don't get to see her very often!

Halloween came and passed. I walked around for an hour and a half with 3 EXTREEMELY hyperactive 11 year olds, and a rebelious 13 year old who had fun with me :-P (to her mom lol) Jon stayed home with his mom and watched scary movies and handed out candy to kids.

Next up ..... Thanksgiving..... I don't really want to touch on that subject right now.

COME ON CHRISTMAS!!!!

Update on life.

I am no longer in Tallahassee, Florida. I have moved back to Texas. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, I am here with him. Probably driving him nuts with all the time I am with him in the Hospital. I love him though! A-Mom brought Olivia to see him <3 <3 I am SOOOO Greatful for her for that. These past few weeks have been nothing but a blur of emotion and exhaustion flailing into one big heap of poo.

I am still really stressed out at my job. Looking for another one.....ha....when I have time double HA....

I need a vacation.

080507

Stressed as all hell and wanting to quit. I'm tired of trying......

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

uhh

Not going to North Carolina.

k bye

5 Days

There are 5 days until we drive to North Carolina. Jon's Dad and Grandmother came and stayed for two whole days, they hung out with Jon while I was working. We did end up getting sea food in Panacea.....when they say WHOLE fish they mean it. (At least they were nice enough to gut and keep the head in the back. It was really good. After that we went to Shell Point beach, (they should get a better name.....) not so many shells. However, we did find about 30 Hermit Crabs that are keeping us company in our bathroom :-) ((YES WE KEPT THEM)) Well, I am very tired and wanting a loooonnnnnngggg nap. So TTFN

Cheryl

twodas efents

Jon's Dad and Grandmother arrived last night. We talked and shared some pictures before heading off to bed. I woke up this morning and went to work. They met me up there for lunch. We ate then they went upstairs to see the museum as I continued working. After that they headed for the Tallahassee Museum/Zoo, and that is where they are currently, while I am waiting at home for them to return so we can go to Dog Island then down to Panacea for some Sea Food. We are planning on driving to North Carolina Next Friday and spending the weekend up there with Olivia, Anne, Paul and possibly Jon's cousin Sean. While up there we may look at some houses. Well....I'm off to keep the dog company until they get here.

Much Love

Cheryl

FIRST VISITOR!!!




Jon's Dad and Grandmother are driving to Florida today!! We are so excited to have our first visitor!!! I better get cleaning!!!

SSDD SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DAY



I am so fed up with people that don't want to do their jobs. Honestly if you hate it that much then just fucking leave! I hate Tallahassee so much I could punch a wall. This place is so stupid. The only people that we can count on in this business are perople that have come from different states. No one from Florida is dependable. NO ONE. The only people that I have actually liked while interviewing happen to be from out of state. AND NO I didn't know that before. Floridians are friendly tan people that are only there for you in the begining, then they slowly become less and less dependable. I HATE IT.

SCREW FLORIDA I'M GOING TO NORTH CAROLINA.

*^~I HATE FLORIDA~^*

...

Hearing the song I played for Olivia while I was pregnant is heartbreaking.

The End

:-(

OFF!!

Here it is 9:22am, on my day off....and I'm awake. That sucks! LOL. Jon and I were talking about moving again last night, we just can't wait for it to happen! I will probably use today to clean. I hate cleaning. Tonight I'm going running with Kahlua. Well I'm going to lay in bed...I mean Clean :-)

Love ya!

DAY 3

Three days in a row working morning and night shift....it is sooo draining.... See what happens when you are nice? YOU GET TIRED. I can't wait for our first weekend off!!! I do believe we are going CAMPING!!!! :-) :-) :-)

I am very very tired!

All I want is to be in my bed for the next 13 hours. That would be VERY nice.

UPDATE

Olivia is moving to Cary North Carolina in the next two weeks.... SOOO EXCITED! It doesn't look like Disney is going to happen though, with stupid people getting fired and others quitting almost daily. Looks like it is going to be put off...again. We are really trying to save money now that we hear the company is going down rapidly. I'm at work today, Jon said he would finish cleaning the apartment today <3 LOVE HIM!! <3 Its fathers day, and I wish I was at home with my family. But it looks like I'll spend it delivering bags all day and all night. YAY (sarcasm). Well there is a mountain of bags outside my office......so I'm going to hide. (I wish)

happy fathers day dad, I love you.

Rearrange

Jon and I rearranged our office this past week. We can both actually sit in the same room at the same time now!! We have gotten another storm...(thank God) that makes 2 since I've been here! Last night the lightning hit the runway and took a chunk outta it, so flights were delayed and canceled last night. (meaning more work for me) There are bags EVERYWHERE. Not just for me, but for other cities. It will prolly take a day for them to sort all these bags. I'm sending my dads Fathers day present today. I hope he likes it! Jons off today, and I don't like these days. I am always bored and have no one to bug at work. Saturdays are the worst because a girl that works in Delta isn't very talkative. I'll have to wait until 5 when Clayton gets here. I talked to Anne yesterday for about an hour and a half. They have sold their house, and are looking at moving to Richmond VA. (Which means if we move to Jacksonville NC, we would be 4 1/2 hours from them!!!) Right now being at about 19....that is a DRASTIC change! Disney World is getting closer to being a real deal. I talked to Dany yesterday and he said that he is almost there and would give me an answer by the begining of next week!!!

I'm sorry I can't be there for Fathers day. I wish I could be. Love you Dad!

*^~Lil ol' me~^*

Living Situation

I have been wanting to move (FAR FAR AWAY) from Florida, and I was giving a city in North Carolina that I was told by a fellow Birthmom, is a very welcoming city and there is plenty to do there too. I am going to talk to Jon tonight and see what he thinks of the whole thing.

I think I am going to go find something to eat on this hot sunny sunday morning.

Much Love.

Still hate Tallahassee

So instead of going to sleep between 2 and 6....I got to drive all night. As soon as I was done with the 2pm bags there were 6 pm bags and when those were done there were 10 pm bags. SO......grrr. I hate people. I don't see how Tallahassee is a working city, as in, the layout of the roads, their highway system.....I don't know how people live with this shit. There is one freeway that goes through the north part of Tallahassee and that is I-10. There are US hwys....aka....normal streets that go through the city, but they are sooooo packed they shouldn't even have the US in front of their number. Honestly.... Thomasville Rd is a joke. Going 15mph at 3pm is a joke. The speed limit on that road is a joke. In Texas, that speed limit would be 60. Not 45. Orange Ave....that speed limit would also be 60. With the way that people here drive, I'm amazed that you even have to take a drivers test to get your licence honestly. (Texas people...they drive 99% worse then Dallas drivers) As for the gas stations closing at 9....wtf?? Ever heard of people WORKING at night and not always needing gas before 9pm?

Honestly you may think that I bitch and moan all the time about Tallahassee, but I have yet to find one positive thing to say about this place. The people are rude, if you arn't born here you are immediately outcasted. The way the streets are layed out, it is amazing that this place isn't a toll road yet. Having 3 exits off of I-10 is a mistake. Construction on Capital Circle in 10 different places at the same time is dumb, fix one part and move on, it will go faster I promise. These fucking college kids that think they are the best things to happen to this place are sadly mistaken and I can't wait for them to get in the real world and their mommys and daddys are no longer paying for everything and they fail miserabley because they have been sheltered their entire life. But knowing some of the people here, their parents are going to end up buying them houses and babysitting their kids because this generation is to dependant. ((I am in this Generation and I can say whatever I would like about them because I hate people my age without a passion))

TALLAHASSEE GIVE ME A REASON TO LIKE YOU. YOU ARE FAILING MISERABLEY!!