Had our team building at my boss' house, BBQ and Pool.
All the while hanging out with strangers as well as a few people from work at the B-party as well as the team building with everyone and their significant others, my boss asked me why I was anti-social.
WHOA!!! Wait what?!?!? This blew my mind on the way home after I had been thinking about it for a few hours. I was well I would never say popular in high school but I knew a ton of people and had a bunches of friends and I was never "shy" no where near "Anti-social"
I believe it has come down to when I allowed myself (the old me, the one that I liked) to die. The person I was from Birth to 17. That Cheryl died after I had and gave up Olivia. Since I have looked for her, worked so hard to get her back....I just can't be that person anymore. I miss her (Olivia as well as the part of me that died) everyday. What I wouldn't give to have them both back.
Depression has been consuming me for 3 1/2 years. I've been thinking of finally seeing a therapist. Or possibly even the pastor at my new church....though I'm still new and I think it would be really awkward.....in due time I suppose.
I have become more open on who I tell my story to. I think that helps a little. I hate feeling as though I have a secret. It just takes so long to answer "Do you have kids" Yes but No.
Oh well.
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