The Married life

As some people look at you funny if you answer yes to the question, "Do you feel differently" I do feel different. In a great way. I have now been married for a month and 3 days and I love it. I love my husband very much, he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I have begun resenting my job again. Nothing new really. I can't seem to stop comparing people to my standards of what is right as far as work loads go. I am beating a dead horse at the location I am at, and I would love to move. North Carolina sounds good right? Closer to Olivia, away from these people win win. (Minus leaving my immediate family again)

We have begun the attempt at starting our family, which I feel very odd saying on here... I was not any way prepared on the emotional aspect of it not happening right away. Which of course means all my friends are pregnant now/again. We have just started trying and I already feel like a failure.

I've had dreams where I wake up shaking and crying (Dreams returning from right after I had Olivia) of where we are in the hospital delivering our baby, and the A-rents come in and try to take our baby. I can't even explain how scared I am for delivery of my second child/first into our family. 

My heart is aching today and I wish it would stop. 

Help :-(