Concern?Conflict?

Jon's best friend growing up, a man he lost touch with for 13 years and recently found again, is adopting. Him and his wife have two children of their own, and when I met him when asked if we had kids, automatic (I don't know or trust you yet) response; No. I've been invited to his Benefit dinner for friends and family to celebrate this "Joyous Occasion" part of me wants to go, the other is screaming at me telling me to tell him my story and open their eyes to "The Dark Side."

I don't know if I should bring it up casually, or just send him a message on facebook with my "cold hearted story."

Do I even have that right to step in? I've only seen the guy twice, once when Jon and him "remet" and the second was he was in our wedding. I don't really talk to the guy. I don't think Jon would say anything to him, but I don't want to over step my boundries by asking if the "Birthmom/firstmom" is going to be apart of this childs life.

This is making my head spin.

A New Leaf?

Last Sunday my husband and I attended a friends church. We come from two very different churches, and yet last Sunday was the first time we have gone together since we've been well, together.

I grew up in a Roman Catholic Church, and my husband a Non Denominational. We visited a Methodist Church that a few friends go to. I may go again on Sunday to see a more "Traditional" service there, they had 3 baptisms and it was not their "Normal" as they said. I have been to a few Baptist Churches and I am comfortable there, but my husband is not. I really want to find a church and become a member. I would love to have a strong relationship with God, as well as a church that we agree on so we could raise our family in.

I don't believe I have ever really accepted God into my life. I don't know. Do you ever really know when you have? I pray, probably not often enough. I wish I knew. I pray that I can have the relationship with God that so many people do, and not a fake one where I say I am a Christian and do not live like one.

I am not fond of others shoving their religion in my face. Nor am I comfortable with asking questions I might have. I didn't think this transition should/would be so difficult.

I want/need God in my life, and I am going to start now.

Bark Bark Bark

The comfort I get from my dog is beyond words in more ways then one. 

Baby Shower Day!

Today is the baby shower of a friend of mine that my sister and I planned. (Well more her than me....but I tried to help!)  I am excited to see some of the people I use to work with in Garland. No one from my store is coming because they are all "busy."

I still have the worlds greatest husband. I came home last night to a clean house!! Geeze I love that man!!

Our lawn guy never showed yesterday. Nor did he email me explaining why. I have to continue the hunt for a new lawn guy which really sucks because I liked him!!! GRRRRR

Well I am off to get dressed pick up last minute party details/presents and head to my sisters house.

Wonderful Husband Award

I would have to say that I have the most wonderful husband in the entire world. Not only has he put up with my emotional roller coaster of a life since before Olivia was born, but he can read me like a book. (Which at times irritates the hell out of me) Last night we went to dinner, came home watched a movie of my choosing, I needed ice cream and he went and got some. Geeze do I love that man! He knows when something is wrong and knows how to fix it.

Switched my schedule around today to help out a coworker whom of which is a giant ass. Already wishing I hadn't.

We are getting a lawn service, and we were to meet at 9am..... it is 9:15. Not looking to good showing up late on the first introduction!!!

Well I have a baby shower tomorrow for a friend/coworker at another location which my wonderful husband has agreed to join me if I would like. (Another 10 points for him!) Next weekend I have a birthday party for a friend of mines son. (First birthday) I might ask him to go with me as well. I was suppose to be in a wedding next Saturday but my second maid of honor (The one having the wedding the day before easter) went psycho bitch and neither of us will/were in each others weddings. (Or lives for that matter) Good riddens. Once she was out of my life a HUGE weight felt like it was lifted off of me. 9 years down the drain and the drama in my life has been cut to the minimum. LOVE IT!!

9:27 I guess he is not coming. GRRR. I liked this guy too. Just checked my email to make sure I gave him the right address. YUP. Time is right. No lawn guy. 

Well I guess I better call him to see what the plan is now.

Prayers and baby dust would be amazing!!

The Married life

As some people look at you funny if you answer yes to the question, "Do you feel differently" I do feel different. In a great way. I have now been married for a month and 3 days and I love it. I love my husband very much, he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I have begun resenting my job again. Nothing new really. I can't seem to stop comparing people to my standards of what is right as far as work loads go. I am beating a dead horse at the location I am at, and I would love to move. North Carolina sounds good right? Closer to Olivia, away from these people win win. (Minus leaving my immediate family again)

We have begun the attempt at starting our family, which I feel very odd saying on here... I was not any way prepared on the emotional aspect of it not happening right away. Which of course means all my friends are pregnant now/again. We have just started trying and I already feel like a failure.

I've had dreams where I wake up shaking and crying (Dreams returning from right after I had Olivia) of where we are in the hospital delivering our baby, and the A-rents come in and try to take our baby. I can't even explain how scared I am for delivery of my second child/first into our family. 

My heart is aching today and I wish it would stop. 

Help :-(