Friday, January 27, 2006
This is what I'm REALLY thinking/feeling
I hate hiding. Honestly I wish I could tell the entire world. I miss Vermont, I miss my baby. I'm tired of putting on a fake smile and saying "I'm really ok" NEWS FLASH!!! I'M NOT!!!!!!! Nothing can fix my pain NOTHING. I want to meet Olivia so bad its killing me. I eat when I don't want to think about her. I want to work out, I want to be me again, but I can't. I don't want to. I don't want to turn 19 until I meet her. I want to tell her I love her. I HATE THIS. I'm tired, of everything. I want my own apartment. hell I want my own house. I want to be alone. I don't deserve love. I expecially don't deserve Jon. I can't believe I gave away the only good part of me. I hate myself
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1 comment:
I know how you feel- when I gave up my son I lived with family members that I hardly knew in a different state. I hated myself so much, and I thought I had given away the only part of me that was worth living for. I thought I had made such a mistake. Even though depression hits hard at unexpected moments still, things are slightly better. You will be better, too- invest in yourself! As much as you feel like a piece of shit, you are NOT. As birthmothers, we are strong to have done what we did- we wanted the BEST for our babies, and we did what we knew to be best- keep your chin up, and shine on!
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