Tizzy

My heart has been in a bit of a tizzy today. (I don’t know what tizzy means but it is what it feels like) Anyway, An emotional roller coaster basically, I miss my dad so much. We allowed my uncle to go though his things today and I’m really happy at what he decided to keep, except it makes it that much more real that he is gone. His stuff is being sorted though, given away and I’m sure eventually thrown away though I wish I could keep it forever. Seeing my uncle wear the boots that my dad use to wear is what did it for me. I’m glad they are going to his little brother, his birthday brother, but it is so hard. My Uncle Les is who I am talking about the Uncle I asked to walk me down the isle after my dad passed away. I offered him dad’s suits as well. The same suit that he wore to Butch and Linda’s wedding, Pam’s wedding and I’m pretty sure he wore it to my Aunt Sandy’s wedding as well…Just not mine, or Gloria’s or his grandkids. It fits Uncle Les, and he will wear it to my wedding for my dad as he walks me down the isle. I hate the power of emotion and I hate how it can make you feel like you are buried under Mount Everest.

I have had a reoccurring dream lately that I can only pray will turn into reality. That’s all I am going to say on that subject.

Missing someone all the time sucks, and it gets worse when people die and are added to that “Missing You” list in my heart. It is over whelming and I am so emotionally drained it hurts.